Simple Ways to Support Parents Struggling With Loss

Do not be afraid to say, “Sorry for you loss”. The most hurtful thing for a grieving parent to hear is nothing at all. People tend to feel uncomfortable and make it about themselves. Just try to imagine what the parent is going through, be strong for the few moments it takes to reach out to the grieving parents.
Realize that even if you have never dealt with death or a major loss yourself, it is important to not let that stop you from offering your support. At some point we all deal with death and it will be hard for you to seek support yourself if you do not offer support to others during their time of loss.
No matter the stage at which the child’s life was lost, treat the loss with significance. The stigma surrounding miscarriage and stillborn is horrifying. These losses are real. To help imagine the pain, think of the closest person to you dying (spouse, brother, parents), that’s exactly how it feels, just because the child wasn’t here for very long, doesn’t make it any less real to the
Do not judge. No matter the circumstances of the death, it could happen to you. Addiction, illness and tragedy does not discriminate.
It is never appropriate to say, “It was for the best” or “Everything happens for a reason”. Let the parent say it if they believe to be true. Whether their child died of an overdose, an illness or suddenly, it is not comforting to hear that it was for the best.
Ask about the child that was lost, even if it has been weeks, months or even years. Just like you like to talk about your living children, they like to talk about their children who have passed. For those struggling with miscarriage it can be complicated but it can be as simple as, “Wow, you are such a great parent, and I cant imagine how hard that must of been, you are loved”. Then they will naturally share what they feel comfortable with. Basically show interest and let them know you have not forgotten their child, as you know they live with the loss each and everyday.
Ask if they have a picture to share of their child if you have not seen them. If the child was a stillborn, this is still applicable. Much of the world does not realize this, but it is completely normal to have photos taken of the child that was lost after they passed. Just as you love to show off pictures of your child, so do the grieving parents. While it may be uncomfortable for just a moment, realize what the parents are going through each and everyday. Death is poorly dealt with in the American culture, especially with a child, just try your best to be strong.

Do not judge. No matter the circumstances of the death, it could happen to you. Addiction, illness and tragedy does not discriminate.

It is never appropriate to say, “It was for the best” or “Everything happens for a reason”. Let the parent say it if they believe to be true. Whether their child died of an overdose, an illness or suddenly, it is not comforting to hear that it was for the best.